These are always my favourite things from you... the not-quite-stream-of-consciousness meditations on the enormity of ordinary life. Thanks Amanda, I needed this to bolster me today.
Life is chaos and calm - and everything in between.
I read about you finding the joy in moving home to Boston and I ponder doing that - but then, I've made a home in these western NC mountains these past 11 years. And while it's not Boston, with the roots and the revelry, it's a place I've pushed in some roots and found community.
Maybe home is where we feel safe enough to create - even amid the mess. I was diagnosed as on the autism spectrum at age 56. Suddenly SO MUCH made sense. I wasn't broken - I was just different.
I'm struggling to create in the aftermath of Helene here. My town was devastated. This whole area will be years and years in the rebuilding and cleanup. I feel guilty for having survived with my home intact.
I'm finding it hard to hold the threads of the story I'm supposed to be writing in my head long enough to get the words down.
My neighbors and I put up our lights for the holidays back in early November - because we needed the light.
I'm considering leaving the tree - sans ornaments - up for the winter just to keep the comfort of the lights going.
Amanda, remember to give yourself some grace. Being a mother, a partner, a creative, a human being is not an easy task - but we're all doing it. Some of us (like you) better than others - some worse.
I resemble all the thoughts and the need to write something down, then getting distracted by another thing. The little brief flashes of joy followed by all the other emotions.
love you amanda. happy holidays to you and yours, and especially to your not so little one (mine is almost nine, and these days go by so fast and they are so precious) ❤️🩹🕳️🧿🎄
On the question of whether you have a 'real job,' I suggest you not think in those terms. Rather, you are amassing over time a body of work, and also, of course, live the 'family and friends' parts of life, like we all do. My career was like that, in fact, for fifty years, a combination of paid gigs and unpaid work I did because it felt right for the work program I assembled as I went along. Yours is a crowd-funded work program. Others support their work differently, whether through salaries, savings from paid work, family support, whatever.
It is not a job per se, more like project work, like lots of self-employed people and artists have.
Thanks Amanda, as always. I just subscribed. Also Patreon fan. Hope my little contribution helps. My wish for you is that you don't have to do housework or laundry or dishes and that you are able to hire/barter a housekeeper that comes in once a week or every two weeks. Art is your life, and your talent is rare and appreciated, please take good care of YOU.
A serious question, if you don't mind. How do you handle the trauma stories? Like, there's 'trauma dumping' where you just expel all of it, but does the other person consent to being trauma-dumped? What do you do when your trauma triggers their trauma and suddenly it's not about sharing, it's about repair work and maybe neither of you is in shape or headspace to do that? But if you don't there's all this revealed trauma hanging in the air between you and in your present-moment hearts, right?
Asking for me, and my partner. I don't have friends I can safely trauma-dump with, really. But sometimes telling stories morphs out from under us. Know what I mean?
Can I share a thought? (I'm going to, so if it's unwelcome, apologies.)
There's magic in simply asking.
"Do you have space right now for me to share something heavy?"
And give your friend grace to say not right now. But it creates an opening.
Kudos to you for being sensitive to the need to avoid the burdensome / triggering trauma-dump, recognizing the importance of authentic connection and support.
I have so little left to say. I'm just waiting to be recruited by the counter espionage of some solidly democratic country. I hope you have happy holidays. I know I won't.
If I could add one more thing, as an old person, something your friends also might have told you but no one has mentioned here in the comments yet, I don't think you or anyone can get a clean read on whether you have ADHD if you are going through the hormonal changes of menopause.
Whatever level of distraction you feel now is entangled with that almost surely.
I love this piece! Just loved reading it. Thank you so much. ----On another note--to anyone who can help me--I have a problem with my Patreon account. Once I made a mistake and I hit "connect with facebook" and it created a duplicate account for me. Whenever I try to log in it takes me to this duplicate account. But it's not one where I am a paid subscriber to stuff. I can't access paid content from this duplicate account. And I can't figure out how to delete it. I need tech support! Any takers? Note--I did manage to disconnect this duplicate account from Facebook.
These are always my favourite things from you... the not-quite-stream-of-consciousness meditations on the enormity of ordinary life. Thanks Amanda, I needed this to bolster me today.
Life is chaos and calm - and everything in between.
I read about you finding the joy in moving home to Boston and I ponder doing that - but then, I've made a home in these western NC mountains these past 11 years. And while it's not Boston, with the roots and the revelry, it's a place I've pushed in some roots and found community.
Maybe home is where we feel safe enough to create - even amid the mess. I was diagnosed as on the autism spectrum at age 56. Suddenly SO MUCH made sense. I wasn't broken - I was just different.
I'm struggling to create in the aftermath of Helene here. My town was devastated. This whole area will be years and years in the rebuilding and cleanup. I feel guilty for having survived with my home intact.
I'm finding it hard to hold the threads of the story I'm supposed to be writing in my head long enough to get the words down.
My neighbors and I put up our lights for the holidays back in early November - because we needed the light.
I'm considering leaving the tree - sans ornaments - up for the winter just to keep the comfort of the lights going.
Amanda, remember to give yourself some grace. Being a mother, a partner, a creative, a human being is not an easy task - but we're all doing it. Some of us (like you) better than others - some worse.
God, that was fucking superb. Thank you!
You make us feel so good
you said all the things. THANK YOU.
I resemble all the thoughts and the need to write something down, then getting distracted by another thing. The little brief flashes of joy followed by all the other emotions.
Enjoyed the read. Thank you.
love you amanda. happy holidays to you and yours, and especially to your not so little one (mine is almost nine, and these days go by so fast and they are so precious) ❤️🩹🕳️🧿🎄
You’re a good writer. Glad Ash told you he loves you. That’s the best part. Nothing else really matters beyond that when you break it all down.
On the question of whether you have a 'real job,' I suggest you not think in those terms. Rather, you are amassing over time a body of work, and also, of course, live the 'family and friends' parts of life, like we all do. My career was like that, in fact, for fifty years, a combination of paid gigs and unpaid work I did because it felt right for the work program I assembled as I went along. Yours is a crowd-funded work program. Others support their work differently, whether through salaries, savings from paid work, family support, whatever.
It is not a job per se, more like project work, like lots of self-employed people and artists have.
Thanks Amanda, as always. I just subscribed. Also Patreon fan. Hope my little contribution helps. My wish for you is that you don't have to do housework or laundry or dishes and that you are able to hire/barter a housekeeper that comes in once a week or every two weeks. Art is your life, and your talent is rare and appreciated, please take good care of YOU.
I'm not crying. I'm not crying.
A serious question, if you don't mind. How do you handle the trauma stories? Like, there's 'trauma dumping' where you just expel all of it, but does the other person consent to being trauma-dumped? What do you do when your trauma triggers their trauma and suddenly it's not about sharing, it's about repair work and maybe neither of you is in shape or headspace to do that? But if you don't there's all this revealed trauma hanging in the air between you and in your present-moment hearts, right?
Asking for me, and my partner. I don't have friends I can safely trauma-dump with, really. But sometimes telling stories morphs out from under us. Know what I mean?
Can I share a thought? (I'm going to, so if it's unwelcome, apologies.)
There's magic in simply asking.
"Do you have space right now for me to share something heavy?"
And give your friend grace to say not right now. But it creates an opening.
Kudos to you for being sensitive to the need to avoid the burdensome / triggering trauma-dump, recognizing the importance of authentic connection and support.
I have so little left to say. I'm just waiting to be recruited by the counter espionage of some solidly democratic country. I hope you have happy holidays. I know I won't.
Love the way you write.
If I could add one more thing, as an old person, something your friends also might have told you but no one has mentioned here in the comments yet, I don't think you or anyone can get a clean read on whether you have ADHD if you are going through the hormonal changes of menopause.
Whatever level of distraction you feel now is entangled with that almost surely.
I love this piece! Just loved reading it. Thank you so much. ----On another note--to anyone who can help me--I have a problem with my Patreon account. Once I made a mistake and I hit "connect with facebook" and it created a duplicate account for me. Whenever I try to log in it takes me to this duplicate account. But it's not one where I am a paid subscriber to stuff. I can't access paid content from this duplicate account. And I can't figure out how to delete it. I need tech support! Any takers? Note--I did manage to disconnect this duplicate account from Facebook.
I would write to patreon support directly. They’re pretty helpful!!!
Well--I had tried writing them, but never heard anything. But today I went in again, determined to try writing them again and it is working! Yay! Yay!