This is a little bit of a tangent, but since you brought up the "<XX> isn't punk rock" thing, it has always struck me that trying to tell others what is or isn't punk is the most "un-punk" thing of all. (And yes, I realize the irony in my statement)
I'm very much with Trapped. One moment, I want to kiss a stranger, the next I want to never leave the flat again. Love & patience & strength & joy to all of you!
I miss karaoke. I miss jam nights. I miss airplane rides to other places.
Because of chronic illness and such, I'm not going to bars or nightclubs or restaurants or going be in an airplane, even with a mask and a booster, for probably years.
The idea of Zoom karaoke sounds intriguing. No one has ever thought of inviting me to do Zoom anything, so maybe I should break my pessimistic loner introvert habits (which prepared me for this pandemic really well tbh) and ask, anyone want to do Zoom karaoke sometime?
I put a big job change on hold at the beginning of the pandemic to help my company and coworkers through it. Now I am utterly exhausted. It's time to leave. It's time to rest and regain strength so in time I can get to the things that have been waiting.
"Emotional truth" and validating core emotions - this is so helpful and I wish I had understood this better when I was raising my children and married to an emotionally violent man. This applies to so many situations and for me, now, will help in communicating with my dearly loved nearly 92 y/o father, who has dementia. Thank you for this.
Thank you! I needed the reminder to rest and heal. Expansion points are my new focus. I need them. I am cracking and snapping. It is completely unsustainable. I feel broken in so many ways. I am failing as a parent but trying rally back into it as my kids deserve more than I am giving. Expansion points will allow me the grace I need. THANK YOU!!
Perhaps it might help to remember the vaccine scientist who said “we are building the plane as we lift off”? To me that seems very dangerous, and I would rather my child was on a plane that was properly built and tested prior to their flight. I think that’s reasonable, yet so many people think it’s not. This troubles me greatly. We do not know the long term effects of this vaccine, we cannot. It’s fine for adults to make their own choices according to need of course.
I like your personal story related to defining punk. It secretly seems like the Advisor asking for support. So I want to talk about that in context of your current theme.
A while back I saw a screen shot of a tweet or tumblr or some other thing I have never engaged in that said “Punk is whatever makes you happy that irritates people who are used to having total control”
Then not long after I saw another that said “In an age of performative cruelty, kindness is punk as fuck. be punk as fuck.”
Both of these have stuck with me and I think they are incredibly relevant and related. I have always felt that those who really embrace the punk inside themselves (myself included) are people who have been betrayed on some level and no longer believe they will ever receive genuine help from anybody again. Any help that is received is tainted by some ulterior motive. Some wear this as a badge of honor with labels like “self sufficient” & “independent”. Part of the punk rock prism is how this distrust of fill in the blank passes through one facet of the prism and emerges from the other facets in many forms that all have a similar theme. It’s the product of needing to rebel against the forces that betrayed you and the need to help others do the same so that you can have a space to keep doing it.
The darkness of betrayal filters through the punk rock prism in the form of The “DIO” (Do It Ourselves) ethos of the punk community. It simultaneously pisses people off who want to control everything and decide what is “good” AND is inherently kind despite how some perceive the severe appearance on the exterior. What some people see as angry people making shitty music and being lazy street rats who should just take a bath and get a real job I see as:
It doesnt matter if you can sing
if you can play guitar
if the song is only 30 seconds long
if the recording is shit
if only 5 people show up (and they are the other band)
if your clothes are dirty and you smell like a dumpster bagel
Make the band anyway. coordinate the shitty punk rock barbeque anyway. Scream in your garage anyway. What matters is the punk community is going to show up to your crappy show at a crappy backyard or a crappy bar with a crappy mic and crappy PA. Because they need to bask in the light that started as betrayal but has been cleansed by passing through the prism.
For those who are punks not making music, what matters is accessibility to express yourself in whatever way you are physically capable. Not about doing something just because the product might be good enough to sell. For those who are punks who don’t create anything what matters is helping others like you. Carry an amp. Burn some veggie burgers on a thing thats not a grill. volunteer at food not bombs. smile at a hobo. Make it obvious who you are and why you are and that you can’t be bought because you transcend that definition of “good”
I think in the space of the antivax Q anon situation… what we are dealing with are people who always were closeted punks. They were deterred from being themselves because someone who had control over them said they couldn’t. Now they are finding out that life is way too short to let anyone have that level of control over them. But because of their inexperience, they found the fool’s prism. Their betrayal is not filtering through the punk prism. It is filtered through the facebook indoctrination prism so it comes out as the opposite of the punk ethos. Now everything matters and everything must be “good” and everything must have monetary value or other ulterior motive. And so they try to align their lives with that definition of what matters and is good and is valuable. we see their DIO ethos... its truck parades running busses off the road. Its destroying vaccine supplies. its storming the capital.
I have patience for these people because they are just people and I am a people. We are more the same than we are different. The upsetting part only comes when I think about how many there are.
When this concept of “Karens” started and the videos of antivaxxer’s acting out in public started I was more sad than angry. And I probably owe Amanda some royalties for this but I found myself routinely commenting on such things suggesting these people are crazy or should be locked up or deserve to die with a simple parody quote “Please excuse her for the day. It’s just the way indoctrination makes her.”
I've spent a lot of time telling myself "I HAVE TO DO THE THING RIGHT NOW". I don't think Anyone has Ever told me explicitly to NOT do the thing right now. I almost cried when I read it, and I don't even know if it was possible for me before. I always lived under this "sword of Damocles" where I was emotionally or mentally abdicating responsibilities, which made me this horrible, negligent, lazy, unaccountable person. But I see that this was kind of wrong-headed, and really just not serving me. It was also creating such persistent anxiety that was always there and never went away. Those were Good words, Amanda, thank you for telling us not to do the thing.
Feb 12, 2022·edited Feb 13, 2022Liked by Amanda Palmer
Dear Amanda, thank you for writing about this... Reading about the struggles Lost is going through with their mom hit me hard. I'm listening to my own mom succumbing to beliefs that are so different from mine and it's hard to just take a step back and breathe deeply. It hurts to hear that my health issues (recovering from covid+pneumonia and not out of the woods yet) are actually caused by my decision to get vaccinated against an imaginary virus. What helps me not to get too frustrated about it is just remembering some things about her. That the winter has been long here and it's been too long since she was able to spend her days getting busy in the garden. That she doesn't have many people around her to talk to and she must feel very lonely at times. That she's probably too scared to accept the possibility of her daughter suffering from something nobody could protect her from...
I'm sorry if I don't make much sense. I'm exhausted. Physically, mentally, emotionally. I'm used to making myself invisible and always trying hard to understand where other people are coming from with their beliefs. It's a crucial coping mechanism I had since childhood. It's still working quite good but I feel bloody drained...
I hope we all can survive this madness without losing our loved ones over these differences. Love to you all and take care of your sanity as much as you can 💗
I never fully realized that I defined parts of myself around the rejection of others. I obviously couldn’t ask about the see-proof paint, not because it’s a bad idea, but because that would make me someone who engages with see-proof paint, a child.
As a college kid, it also does me good to hear a new rebuttal against pervasive mythos that now is the key moment to choose everything. I had a strong start with the fact that my path still has so much time to wind and mature, but nobody added the flip side, that this is a comparatively fraught time for trying to write a sweeping assertion of intent.
So much appreciation for your posts. I'm loving them. As a psychologist and zen student, so many of your "solutions" resonate with me. I TEACH validation but have spend two years (plus) learning over and over to crack my heart open to the experience of people who do not see the world as I do. I have been teaching this for 20 years, and keep learning it deeper in myself. Your writing is helping:) I want to use your stories in my teaching--can I have permission if I credit you? Maybe I could project a lovely picture of you with a quote and the place you make the most money for your music:) Just teaching therapists who are on the same journey that I am on, and not about the money.
It feels as if your skin is getting thinner and thinner, and more and more light is shining through... * basking *
This is a little bit of a tangent, but since you brought up the "<XX> isn't punk rock" thing, it has always struck me that trying to tell others what is or isn't punk is the most "un-punk" thing of all. (And yes, I realize the irony in my statement)
I'm very much with Trapped. One moment, I want to kiss a stranger, the next I want to never leave the flat again. Love & patience & strength & joy to all of you!
I miss karaoke. I miss jam nights. I miss airplane rides to other places.
Because of chronic illness and such, I'm not going to bars or nightclubs or restaurants or going be in an airplane, even with a mask and a booster, for probably years.
The idea of Zoom karaoke sounds intriguing. No one has ever thought of inviting me to do Zoom anything, so maybe I should break my pessimistic loner introvert habits (which prepared me for this pandemic really well tbh) and ask, anyone want to do Zoom karaoke sometime?
Rest. Wait. Thank you for this.
I put a big job change on hold at the beginning of the pandemic to help my company and coworkers through it. Now I am utterly exhausted. It's time to leave. It's time to rest and regain strength so in time I can get to the things that have been waiting.
"Emotional truth" and validating core emotions - this is so helpful and I wish I had understood this better when I was raising my children and married to an emotionally violent man. This applies to so many situations and for me, now, will help in communicating with my dearly loved nearly 92 y/o father, who has dementia. Thank you for this.
Thank you! I needed the reminder to rest and heal. Expansion points are my new focus. I need them. I am cracking and snapping. It is completely unsustainable. I feel broken in so many ways. I am failing as a parent but trying rally back into it as my kids deserve more than I am giving. Expansion points will allow me the grace I need. THANK YOU!!
Perhaps it might help to remember the vaccine scientist who said “we are building the plane as we lift off”? To me that seems very dangerous, and I would rather my child was on a plane that was properly built and tested prior to their flight. I think that’s reasonable, yet so many people think it’s not. This troubles me greatly. We do not know the long term effects of this vaccine, we cannot. It’s fine for adults to make their own choices according to need of course.
I like your personal story related to defining punk. It secretly seems like the Advisor asking for support. So I want to talk about that in context of your current theme.
A while back I saw a screen shot of a tweet or tumblr or some other thing I have never engaged in that said “Punk is whatever makes you happy that irritates people who are used to having total control”
Then not long after I saw another that said “In an age of performative cruelty, kindness is punk as fuck. be punk as fuck.”
Both of these have stuck with me and I think they are incredibly relevant and related. I have always felt that those who really embrace the punk inside themselves (myself included) are people who have been betrayed on some level and no longer believe they will ever receive genuine help from anybody again. Any help that is received is tainted by some ulterior motive. Some wear this as a badge of honor with labels like “self sufficient” & “independent”. Part of the punk rock prism is how this distrust of fill in the blank passes through one facet of the prism and emerges from the other facets in many forms that all have a similar theme. It’s the product of needing to rebel against the forces that betrayed you and the need to help others do the same so that you can have a space to keep doing it.
The darkness of betrayal filters through the punk rock prism in the form of The “DIO” (Do It Ourselves) ethos of the punk community. It simultaneously pisses people off who want to control everything and decide what is “good” AND is inherently kind despite how some perceive the severe appearance on the exterior. What some people see as angry people making shitty music and being lazy street rats who should just take a bath and get a real job I see as:
It doesnt matter if you can sing
if you can play guitar
if the song is only 30 seconds long
if the recording is shit
if only 5 people show up (and they are the other band)
if your clothes are dirty and you smell like a dumpster bagel
Make the band anyway. coordinate the shitty punk rock barbeque anyway. Scream in your garage anyway. What matters is the punk community is going to show up to your crappy show at a crappy backyard or a crappy bar with a crappy mic and crappy PA. Because they need to bask in the light that started as betrayal but has been cleansed by passing through the prism.
For those who are punks not making music, what matters is accessibility to express yourself in whatever way you are physically capable. Not about doing something just because the product might be good enough to sell. For those who are punks who don’t create anything what matters is helping others like you. Carry an amp. Burn some veggie burgers on a thing thats not a grill. volunteer at food not bombs. smile at a hobo. Make it obvious who you are and why you are and that you can’t be bought because you transcend that definition of “good”
I think in the space of the antivax Q anon situation… what we are dealing with are people who always were closeted punks. They were deterred from being themselves because someone who had control over them said they couldn’t. Now they are finding out that life is way too short to let anyone have that level of control over them. But because of their inexperience, they found the fool’s prism. Their betrayal is not filtering through the punk prism. It is filtered through the facebook indoctrination prism so it comes out as the opposite of the punk ethos. Now everything matters and everything must be “good” and everything must have monetary value or other ulterior motive. And so they try to align their lives with that definition of what matters and is good and is valuable. we see their DIO ethos... its truck parades running busses off the road. Its destroying vaccine supplies. its storming the capital.
I have patience for these people because they are just people and I am a people. We are more the same than we are different. The upsetting part only comes when I think about how many there are.
When this concept of “Karens” started and the videos of antivaxxer’s acting out in public started I was more sad than angry. And I probably owe Amanda some royalties for this but I found myself routinely commenting on such things suggesting these people are crazy or should be locked up or deserve to die with a simple parody quote “Please excuse her for the day. It’s just the way indoctrination makes her.”
I've spent a lot of time telling myself "I HAVE TO DO THE THING RIGHT NOW". I don't think Anyone has Ever told me explicitly to NOT do the thing right now. I almost cried when I read it, and I don't even know if it was possible for me before. I always lived under this "sword of Damocles" where I was emotionally or mentally abdicating responsibilities, which made me this horrible, negligent, lazy, unaccountable person. But I see that this was kind of wrong-headed, and really just not serving me. It was also creating such persistent anxiety that was always there and never went away. Those were Good words, Amanda, thank you for telling us not to do the thing.
Dear Amanda, thank you for writing about this... Reading about the struggles Lost is going through with their mom hit me hard. I'm listening to my own mom succumbing to beliefs that are so different from mine and it's hard to just take a step back and breathe deeply. It hurts to hear that my health issues (recovering from covid+pneumonia and not out of the woods yet) are actually caused by my decision to get vaccinated against an imaginary virus. What helps me not to get too frustrated about it is just remembering some things about her. That the winter has been long here and it's been too long since she was able to spend her days getting busy in the garden. That she doesn't have many people around her to talk to and she must feel very lonely at times. That she's probably too scared to accept the possibility of her daughter suffering from something nobody could protect her from...
I'm sorry if I don't make much sense. I'm exhausted. Physically, mentally, emotionally. I'm used to making myself invisible and always trying hard to understand where other people are coming from with their beliefs. It's a crucial coping mechanism I had since childhood. It's still working quite good but I feel bloody drained...
I hope we all can survive this madness without losing our loved ones over these differences. Love to you all and take care of your sanity as much as you can 💗
I never fully realized that I defined parts of myself around the rejection of others. I obviously couldn’t ask about the see-proof paint, not because it’s a bad idea, but because that would make me someone who engages with see-proof paint, a child.
As a college kid, it also does me good to hear a new rebuttal against pervasive mythos that now is the key moment to choose everything. I had a strong start with the fact that my path still has so much time to wind and mature, but nobody added the flip side, that this is a comparatively fraught time for trying to write a sweeping assertion of intent.
So much appreciation for your posts. I'm loving them. As a psychologist and zen student, so many of your "solutions" resonate with me. I TEACH validation but have spend two years (plus) learning over and over to crack my heart open to the experience of people who do not see the world as I do. I have been teaching this for 20 years, and keep learning it deeper in myself. Your writing is helping:) I want to use your stories in my teaching--can I have permission if I credit you? Maybe I could project a lovely picture of you with a quote and the place you make the most money for your music:) Just teaching therapists who are on the same journey that I am on, and not about the money.