May 11, 2023·edited May 11, 2023Liked by Amanda Palmer
Scream louder but watch your vocal cords Scream for the people who did not scream or will not scream in the future. Scream for them to heal and maybe to scream with their own voices to a mostly deaf world.
Wow, fuck, I needed to hear this. I'm in a different kind of abusive situation and I can't scream about it yet and it's eating me from the inside. The last time I did let myself scream it was so loud I physically startled myself 😬 I have a loooot of screaming to catch up on.
May 11, 2023·edited May 11, 2023Liked by Amanda Palmer
Thank you so much for this. It means a lot. <3
After I was "grey raped" I started a blog (SilenceCanBeViolence.wordpress.com) to try and help me figure out what happened to me, and to spread awareness about the fact that oftentimes rape is nothing like we imagine from movies. My experience completely changed my idea of what sexual assault is; rarely is it a stranger in a dark alley violently attacking.
Many times, it's someone we know. Someone we can almost believe when they gaslight us into thinking that it's ok because we consented at first to something that they then escalated into whatever sexual acts they want without asking. Or they drug us and because we can barely remember any details, reporting them is useless and re-traumatizing. Especially if - like me - you were drinking and partying when it happened. It's all just such a mind-fuck and so overwhelming and so often impossible to get justice, or even acknowledgement from anyone that it happened or that it was wrong.
My thoughts and love go out to everyone who has been affected by this. <3<3<3
I can't. I've forgotten how. For years I screamed onto the blank page, pouring out the words like an avalanche and hiding the crumpled paper as if that were enough. Then I 'got better'. I think though, I am starting to realize that the crumpled paper is still there, crammed into my chest, constricting my heart and stopping my lungs from inflating. I don't know what to do with it because I'm 'better. And no one wants to hear that the pain is still there when you're living a good life.
I can't even scream when I'm supposed to. Like, in taekwondo, everybody is screaming. It's part of the deal. It's Socially Acceptable. Expected. Weird not to. And I still can't...
I didn't scream, at age 4, when my much older step brother talked me into trying out things from the (educational and age appropriate) video we got in place of a "birds and the bees" talk. Even though I told him I didn't really want to ands reminded him that the video said only grown ups were supposed to do that...
It didn't even enter my mind to scream, age 9, when my friend's big brother trapped my in his room and insisted I do things or he wouldn't let me out. I couldn't fathom that anyone else knowing what was going on would have helped. I'm still not sure it would have.
Even though I knew he was wrong and my having done these things before didn't mean he was Entitled to my sexual favors. Even though most of me knew I was not wrong and I told him no and tried to get out of it. I was in my late 30s before I told anyone because I still believed that I was somehow accountable. Maybe because the 15 year old's mom took his side. Told my friend she wasn't allowed to have anything to do with me because I was a Bad Girl. Who knows. But I didn't scream. And it still fucking hurts.
Yes! Powerful words spoken on behalf of women and sexual assault victims everywhere. We know in the world of trauma therapy that the freeze and fawn responses are hard-wired into our nervous systems as survival mechanisms. Someone needs to give that lawyer an education in how trauma works. Love your writing.
Dear Amanda, your words feel like a hug for all the women who suffered sexual abuse, me included.
I used to scream for others, but myself. After giving birth to my daughter, I started screaming for both of us. Louder and louder. Is a painful process and yet so liberating. We still have much to fight for.
Thank you for sharing your story and screaming with us.
Scream louder but watch your vocal cords Scream for the people who did not scream or will not scream in the future. Scream for them to heal and maybe to scream with their own voices to a mostly deaf world.
Wow, fuck, I needed to hear this. I'm in a different kind of abusive situation and I can't scream about it yet and it's eating me from the inside. The last time I did let myself scream it was so loud I physically startled myself 😬 I have a loooot of screaming to catch up on.
I didn't scream until years later, when I admitted to myself what hd happened to me.
Thank you so much for this. It means a lot. <3
After I was "grey raped" I started a blog (SilenceCanBeViolence.wordpress.com) to try and help me figure out what happened to me, and to spread awareness about the fact that oftentimes rape is nothing like we imagine from movies. My experience completely changed my idea of what sexual assault is; rarely is it a stranger in a dark alley violently attacking.
Many times, it's someone we know. Someone we can almost believe when they gaslight us into thinking that it's ok because we consented at first to something that they then escalated into whatever sexual acts they want without asking. Or they drug us and because we can barely remember any details, reporting them is useless and re-traumatizing. Especially if - like me - you were drinking and partying when it happened. It's all just such a mind-fuck and so overwhelming and so often impossible to get justice, or even acknowledgement from anyone that it happened or that it was wrong.
My thoughts and love go out to everyone who has been affected by this. <3<3<3
REALIZING I'D BEEN RAPED: https://silencecanbeviolence.wordpress.com/2015/04/10/realizing-id-been-raped/
GREY RAPE AWARENESS: https://silencecanbeviolence.wordpress.com/2015/04/11/scbv-images
Your voice is essential. And a clarion everyone should hear. Thank you for your courage, leadership and humane artistry. Always kindest regards, D.
💜💜💜 THANK YOU fellow SOUL SCREAMER
Someone I know told me that if one gets raped, 'You're supposed to call 911'....
Screaming with you, friend. Dreaming towards the moment it pierces the eardrum of this violent culture
Thank you. I never screamed either. But there was screaming in my head for years.
I can't. I've forgotten how. For years I screamed onto the blank page, pouring out the words like an avalanche and hiding the crumpled paper as if that were enough. Then I 'got better'. I think though, I am starting to realize that the crumpled paper is still there, crammed into my chest, constricting my heart and stopping my lungs from inflating. I don't know what to do with it because I'm 'better. And no one wants to hear that the pain is still there when you're living a good life.
Thank you.
I can't even scream when I'm supposed to. Like, in taekwondo, everybody is screaming. It's part of the deal. It's Socially Acceptable. Expected. Weird not to. And I still can't...
I didn't scream, at age 4, when my much older step brother talked me into trying out things from the (educational and age appropriate) video we got in place of a "birds and the bees" talk. Even though I told him I didn't really want to ands reminded him that the video said only grown ups were supposed to do that...
It didn't even enter my mind to scream, age 9, when my friend's big brother trapped my in his room and insisted I do things or he wouldn't let me out. I couldn't fathom that anyone else knowing what was going on would have helped. I'm still not sure it would have.
Even though I knew he was wrong and my having done these things before didn't mean he was Entitled to my sexual favors. Even though most of me knew I was not wrong and I told him no and tried to get out of it. I was in my late 30s before I told anyone because I still believed that I was somehow accountable. Maybe because the 15 year old's mom took his side. Told my friend she wasn't allowed to have anything to do with me because I was a Bad Girl. Who knows. But I didn't scream. And it still fucking hurts.
Yes! Powerful words spoken on behalf of women and sexual assault victims everywhere. We know in the world of trauma therapy that the freeze and fawn responses are hard-wired into our nervous systems as survival mechanisms. Someone needs to give that lawyer an education in how trauma works. Love your writing.
I have been screaming on the inside for over 40 years
Thank you, Amanda Palmer, thank you.
Dear Amanda, your words feel like a hug for all the women who suffered sexual abuse, me included.
I used to scream for others, but myself. After giving birth to my daughter, I started screaming for both of us. Louder and louder. Is a painful process and yet so liberating. We still have much to fight for.
Thank you for sharing your story and screaming with us.