The video that will usually go to paid subscribers. See my house in New Zealand, ogle at my coffeemaking skills, and watch me blubber through this week’s Ask Amanda column about death and helping.
This was a beautiful way to say that! I didn't read and just watched it. I needed to watch it as someone still sitting in a different type of grief. My thoughts go to Jason and to Penny as letting go and allowing them to grieve is the hardest. My thoughts go with you both. To Jason I hope our comments and those who bear witness to you give you comfort. In my own grief I have tragically had a friend who was going through the same type of grief at the same time and we have held each other. I hope you find people you can express your grief to both now and when it happens. All my love and hope to you ❤️
I am just across the harbour from you, drinking coffee and wading through my own long response to the threads. I'm so glad you read Lacey's story - I've been trying to construct words to write to her in response. Which is also to say I've gone back to your letter to Penny nearly every day since it was published, reading the stories and finding shared grief and hope with the other readers there. There is something so healing and resonant in watching the story read aloud - a swim in the deep end of the pool of human emotion - and how good, for that to be the way to start a day, fully alive in our human experiences. Thank you again, for the garden tour and the coffee. This is such beautiful mahi.
My beautiful friend has terminal cancer. She's struggling. I'm struggling. It's hard. I feel panicked. Your response for Penny and Jason... ouff my heart. I'm not very articulate. I take a long time to process things.... so let me just say - thank you. Watching your video has helped my very bruised insides. Tēnā rawa atu koe x
Penny and Jason, I'm so sorry for the terrible things you are going through. Though your situation is unimaginable to me, and unimaginable to many who have not been through this, I believe the act of people reaching out to you from a place of genuine compassion, directly acknowledging your pain, is in no way diminished by their not knowing, their not understanding, having not been through this themselves. No doubt you know this. I offer this thought to say, compassion transcends, and in your search for people who can share this difficult time and space with you, their capacity for compassion and courage is surely essential. I say this because, while it has been thirty-five years since my father died, to this day I clearly remember the small number of people who told me directly to my face they were sorry for what was happening, though many more surely knew. Most people were afraid to say something, perhaps were afraid to say the wrong thing, or afraid they were somehow not qualified.
When I say I clearly remember those who directly acknowledged what happened, it's less of a memory in the traditional sense. These memories are more rivets in my personal psyche that have firmly held my mind to a reality beyond the mental and emotional pain and reeling of those early days following his death. It's like they are in front of me, with me, even now. I doubt they even remember what they said to me, but I definitely do. They simply said they were sorry for what was happening when nobody else would, and by doing that small thing they changed my life forever. So, though we have never met, I am so sorry for the painful and difficult things you are enduring. I send you my love, you are in my heart now and always.
Video is the way to go. So sincere and so genuine. I like the coffee / extended intro as it helps ground the one way “interaction” in a way that makes it feel like a friend invited me over to chat. I hope Jason keeps it and revisits as a way to micro-dose emotional support & connection when his Sams are unavailable. Or while he is building up the courage to ask for their ear or arm or shoulder in the early moments “after”. It’s almost like you wrote a song just for him. Now I have to go update my subscription status.
Without the preamble I’d love you to know….. thank you. Thank you for everything you put out in the world and for who you are. This lesson on grief is invaluable. And….. there is something about hearing you say “I love you” that is straight from heart to heart.
I would absolutely love to know, if you feel like elaborating, your in-depth thoughts on lipstick! I'm really wondering now that you've mentioned it in the video
This is all too familiar. My Nephew and his wife went through this 5 years ago. She found out she was pregnant with their first child and also had breast cancer at the same time. They had to make a difficult decision to go through Chemo while she was pregnant. The pregnancy and the birth of the baby was a gift but the Cancer returned a few months after the baby was born. My Nephew's wife fought hard but passed away about 2 months shy of the baby's first birthday. She did however do some videos for her baby to view later in life. My nephew also still receives gifts she ordered way in advance for his birthday and Christmas. I still see his grieving peak through every now and then even though it's been 4 years now.
I’m moved. I just found this. My mind goes immediately to Penny, wondering if she is still with us. If she is still with her love. You had mentioned you’d heard back but didn’t share it. I hope that life has been more gentle for him, that she passes peaceful, that she doesn’t pass for a while longer. Thank you for doing this video, thank you. It gave me a lot of things to think about for my daughter and husband and my own leaving, my own fears. I needed this. All manner of love, light, and joy to you in your everyday. xo
This was a beautiful way to say that! I didn't read and just watched it. I needed to watch it as someone still sitting in a different type of grief. My thoughts go to Jason and to Penny as letting go and allowing them to grieve is the hardest. My thoughts go with you both. To Jason I hope our comments and those who bear witness to you give you comfort. In my own grief I have tragically had a friend who was going through the same type of grief at the same time and we have held each other. I hope you find people you can express your grief to both now and when it happens. All my love and hope to you ❤️
I am just across the harbour from you, drinking coffee and wading through my own long response to the threads. I'm so glad you read Lacey's story - I've been trying to construct words to write to her in response. Which is also to say I've gone back to your letter to Penny nearly every day since it was published, reading the stories and finding shared grief and hope with the other readers there. There is something so healing and resonant in watching the story read aloud - a swim in the deep end of the pool of human emotion - and how good, for that to be the way to start a day, fully alive in our human experiences. Thank you again, for the garden tour and the coffee. This is such beautiful mahi.
♥♥♥
Greeting from New Jersey!
Sending Love to Penny & Jason and the Sams of the World.
Long-Time Patreon Subscriber here.
Good to "see" you, Amanda.
Come Baaaaack to the US!!
Last time I saw Y'All was in NYC in 2019.
(I was in the seventh row for your Anthony Conversation.)
We Miss You.
I'm Verklempt.
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
My beautiful friend has terminal cancer. She's struggling. I'm struggling. It's hard. I feel panicked. Your response for Penny and Jason... ouff my heart. I'm not very articulate. I take a long time to process things.... so let me just say - thank you. Watching your video has helped my very bruised insides. Tēnā rawa atu koe x
Penny and Jason, I'm so sorry for the terrible things you are going through. Though your situation is unimaginable to me, and unimaginable to many who have not been through this, I believe the act of people reaching out to you from a place of genuine compassion, directly acknowledging your pain, is in no way diminished by their not knowing, their not understanding, having not been through this themselves. No doubt you know this. I offer this thought to say, compassion transcends, and in your search for people who can share this difficult time and space with you, their capacity for compassion and courage is surely essential. I say this because, while it has been thirty-five years since my father died, to this day I clearly remember the small number of people who told me directly to my face they were sorry for what was happening, though many more surely knew. Most people were afraid to say something, perhaps were afraid to say the wrong thing, or afraid they were somehow not qualified.
When I say I clearly remember those who directly acknowledged what happened, it's less of a memory in the traditional sense. These memories are more rivets in my personal psyche that have firmly held my mind to a reality beyond the mental and emotional pain and reeling of those early days following his death. It's like they are in front of me, with me, even now. I doubt they even remember what they said to me, but I definitely do. They simply said they were sorry for what was happening when nobody else would, and by doing that small thing they changed my life forever. So, though we have never met, I am so sorry for the painful and difficult things you are enduring. I send you my love, you are in my heart now and always.
Video is the way to go. So sincere and so genuine. I like the coffee / extended intro as it helps ground the one way “interaction” in a way that makes it feel like a friend invited me over to chat. I hope Jason keeps it and revisits as a way to micro-dose emotional support & connection when his Sams are unavailable. Or while he is building up the courage to ask for their ear or arm or shoulder in the early moments “after”. It’s almost like you wrote a song just for him. Now I have to go update my subscription status.
Without the preamble I’d love you to know….. thank you. Thank you for everything you put out in the world and for who you are. This lesson on grief is invaluable. And….. there is something about hearing you say “I love you” that is straight from heart to heart.
Thank you.
Tabitha
I would absolutely love to know, if you feel like elaborating, your in-depth thoughts on lipstick! I'm really wondering now that you've mentioned it in the video
This is all too familiar. My Nephew and his wife went through this 5 years ago. She found out she was pregnant with their first child and also had breast cancer at the same time. They had to make a difficult decision to go through Chemo while she was pregnant. The pregnancy and the birth of the baby was a gift but the Cancer returned a few months after the baby was born. My Nephew's wife fought hard but passed away about 2 months shy of the baby's first birthday. She did however do some videos for her baby to view later in life. My nephew also still receives gifts she ordered way in advance for his birthday and Christmas. I still see his grieving peak through every now and then even though it's been 4 years now.
a
thank you
-len
Did Penny ever get back to you- did she read your answer?
I’m moved. I just found this. My mind goes immediately to Penny, wondering if she is still with us. If she is still with her love. You had mentioned you’d heard back but didn’t share it. I hope that life has been more gentle for him, that she passes peaceful, that she doesn’t pass for a while longer. Thank you for doing this video, thank you. It gave me a lot of things to think about for my daughter and husband and my own leaving, my own fears. I needed this. All manner of love, light, and joy to you in your everyday. xo
Oh Jesus you made me weep. Mortality and love and connection and grief.
I sat with my friend Tony who lost his muse and love of his life 18 months ago during covid in Sydney.
Cassandra was a fabulous woman and the love they shared was 40 odd years.
He is a musician and a singer and a very good friend.
During Covid I said I wanted to sit with him and eat cactus as I think it would open his heart and heal it somehow.
Fuck, it worked the magic it needed to work.
I knew it would help because I know him and knew bits of their love.
He said a week later " That journey was worth more than 16 months of grief counselling".
And yes, one lucky perosn, to say, "They were the love of my life".
xxx