I agree that behaviors caused by thinking within parameters that history proves is only partially effective—particularly when a genius bumps into luck and is in a timely time zone—hold us back from what artists understand already that creativity and freedom to live harmlessly but also safely on the frontiers to produce faster and more effective life outcomes to those in the so-called safety of the center and it’s norms, ie parameters. With each perfectly perforated parameter performing parachutes for persons on the parapet ready to populate the newest paradigm set to push the others as well.
Thank you for your prompt to my praises of your idea. It was no diatribe, trust me. But I’m hoping I didn’t miss your point.
Thanks for the cogent answer. I agree Buckminster Fuller was ahead of his time. I coined an expression (to myself) “A Culture of One.” I’m respectful of other cultures. And being involved in the special education it taught me about celebrating differences. That in itself is risky and difficult for a certain population on its own unique continuum of risk and knowledge. I enjoyed this much. A rare occurrence on my lifetime.
I really like this question Sylvia. I always imagine Amanda out there in the 'dress' looking for community and support...and working with/in a position of being 'seen' in order to be validated. I mean, that is art to me. And I wonder about the 'surest' path to acceptance - maybe it is different for everyone = to both see and be seen simultaneously without fear and feeling 'true' to self...even if just in that moment.
I taught writing for 20 years and I feel like I am a bad writer. I also can't do yoga but I really want to do yoga but when I do yoga and I am bad at it then I get frustrated and stop and then I remember that I want to do yoga all over again. Does that make sense? I write a monday morning memo on substack and every Monday I know I have to write that thing. The first step is scary but it gets easier. What do you want to write? I believe in you. You can do it.
One of the joys of the Pandemic is online yoga. Gym yoga classes make me self-cinscious. But at home nobody but the dog will hear you fart and there is no need to get dressed up or dressed for that matter.
Oh boy do I get this! And there’s no other way but to do it and to trust the time it takes. However much time we have we just have to trust if we start moving it will be enough.
Sometimes it feels good to know that what you're experiencing is totally normal! When we are doing something new or working on something when we are young it feels good, and it's easy. It is genuinely harder to learn things as we age! On the plus side you can learn things and improve things. To learn something new as an adult you need to focus, feel the stress of it/frustration/discomfort of it...and then rest!!! So while this doesn't address the running out of time feeling, maybe it helps the reframe the feeling of being 'really bad at something.' That feeling means you are learning and growing - yay! You also need to rest and relax and be kind to yourself afterward.
I love the last line of your post: "That feeling means you are learning and growing - yay! You also need to rest and relax and be kind to yourself afterward."
Trying to reframe that discomfort feeling as a GOOD thing--evidence that you're learning!--is so hard, but it's so true.
To the original poster: I'm not sure what kind of books you like, but the book "Writing Down the Bones" by Natalie Goldberg is one I return to again and again to help with good vibes + good headspace about writing!
Hey sgrant42 - I really feel you! Know exactly what you talking about. As far as I know about myself it's fear. Probably fear to fail. To be not good or not good enough. The older I get the worse the feeling of (probable) failing get's. Combined with "I squandered so much time already - I can in no way rectify that"... I know I have to get rid of the pressure to create something really good, something that matters (or not to be bad). I also think it's really good advise to start with something that is fun and small - maybe creating (writing in your case) for someone who is happy to read it - anything to get away from the idea to do "it right" or "have success". I think this advise is good - I liked it,when I read it, but haven't followed it myself yet... :-/ Somtimes things need time - but if you are unhappy with your current situation and you can somehow change something (even if it is just a little thing) be brave and do it - just to adjust to new (better/more fitting) things for you - you know "to look in the right direction". Wish you the best of luck!! And trust yourself (or if you are spiritual/religious) trust in god. Oh and yeah - sometimes the idea that we might have a talent given to us by god/nature/gods /whatever the belief system and we just "let that talent out" helps me a lot . It somehow takes away some of the pressure and the feeling that I and I alone am responsible for the outcome (bad, but also good outcome). In the Renaissance when drawing became an independent artform and was not just an end to a means as it was before it was believed that the spirit of god ran directly from above into the artist directly into his/her arm and out of the pencil onto the paper- so the creative act became a manifestation of god in itself :-) I really like that picture! Good luck!
Time passes continuously, whatever we do with it or not. You can start anytime and if you enjoy the process you will get better at it. The idea we need to achieve perfection in something to be worthwhile ... well, it's just an idea, no need to go with it. Enjoy the process and spent whatever time you have available doing what you really want. I have not ever heard of regrets adding to anyones happiness. Acknowledge whatever was in the past and be gentle with yourself going forward.
By the way, my next birthday will be the 55th, too. I read a lot, have thought about writing, but oh well, it will happen if I really want it. Meanwhile I enjoy knitting ...
If I'm understanding correctly it sounds like you have trouble getting started for fear of being bad. Have you considered starting with something that might feel frivolous or even being intentionally bad (e.g. a satire of a genre you don't like or take seriously)? I am a songwriter and I do a lot of quantity writing challenges (which I highly recommend) - I always start with ideas that I don't care about that much so I won't be precious, and I'll just write them without regard to whether it's "good." Once I start doing that, I get into a groove and then it's easier to tackle the themes that are closer to my heart without being so worried about the quality, because I've set that precedent for my brain, if that makes sense. Letting yourself create messy gets easier and easier over time (as you also get better!), trust me. You just have to take the first step, even if certain parts of your brain are telling you not to.
(Good heavens - this turned into something much longer than I expected... a personal story...)
It's a cliché I know - but it's never too late too start. My fifties were a time of huge change and growth - but it didn't start well. I began my fifties feeling extremely unsettled and discontented and frustrated - pouring all my time and energy into classroom teaching, and finding myself saying to myself (and sometimes others) "this is killing me".
I felt I had no time to explore other interests, that if I didn't get out something in me would wither completely and die. I felt I should have started sooner, made other choices. But I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life - who was I?
The change came when I started looking, searching, and leaping into the unknown. I started studying, I changed my job, I started writing (mostly just for myself - processing emotions, memories etc), I went to writer's workshops and had to share my work (terrifying! but rewarding - I was told "trust your own creativity"), I kept on writing, I went to a drawing class and discovered it was something I could do!!
Imagine - late fifties and here I was faced with the fact that the thing I really loved and understood had been there in me all the time - it just took the right guidance to uncover it. So I've been drawing and painting since - this is "my thing" - and whether I'm good at it, or whether anyone ever sees it almost doesn't matter. Its the creative process that's important - bringing something into the world. That's what I felt was missing all those years ago when I felt my soul was dying. I'm alive now - more than ever - I'm more truly me - and its because I'm trying to look forward instead of back, I'm putting my energy into what matters to me. I've made my own commitment to the creative process - opened the door - invited in the creative spirits :)
(PS: a friend shared the book by Elizabeth Gilbert "Big Magic" - it's good!)
Hey Sue, you're not too old to start, that's for sure! You do have to get used to the feeling of being a learner again though - not bad, just a learner. :) Good luck with it.
Hopefully between the two of you I will learn something so someday I can build something too! If you just want weekly nature photos and light musings on life, feel free to subscribe to mine (it's free!). :)
I want the world to be a kinder place too! I want to be more kind. How do I resist the urge to hate the people who hold opposing (and to my mind, hate-filled) views?
Whew, I have to sit with this a lot. I read something (and I don't remember who to credit) about a woman saying to someone who held views like this, "where does it hurt". The person burst into tears and told her. So when I sit with it I often try to hold that in my heart and remember that people who hurt are hurting.
I struggle with the same thing. I go out to the ocean or to the woods or any wild space, anywhere I can feel the wind or the rain or the sun or the snow, and feel the vastness and wildness of everything that is not me, everything that is not human. My hate won't make me a better voice for them, but hate comes from anger, and anger tells us there is something wrong. No emotion is bad, we just have to direct it. So, after I've let myself be caught up in the magnificent wildness of being, I take whatever kernel of anger remains and use it in actions of drastic, rebellious kindness. Do a beach clean, find your nearest volunteering opportunity, plant trees or walk dogs or paint over graffiti. I figured I can be angry and kind at the same time.
Thank you for figuring out angry and kind at the same time. Absolutely inspiring. I've pounded anger into bread dough ... and then ate too much! Off into the woods ...
It’s not easy, @Julie Shevach…it really isn’t, I’m the same! But it can be done (some days more successfully than others). Trust me…most days, I have to quell the Dexter Morgan urge inside of me, breathe deeply, and re-think.
A few mental “tricks” I try to use is to think that:
a) Some instance, somewhere along their life, irrevocably broke them.
b) They were never lucky enough or knowledgable enough to surround themselves with well-informed, critical thinkers.
c) That their hatred is essentially misdirected fear originating from a deep lack of both self-knowledge, and connection to the real world around them. This leaves them with a great big spiritual void, which is easily filled by finding scapegoats on which to rain down 21st century Cyber-Salem-Witch-Trials.
d) That they must feel so “un-special,” that the only way they find to feel self-worth is by radical self-exclusion: “I am better than them, smarter than them, because look at the numbers…there’s a lot more of us than there are of them,” they must think. “And THIS many people can’t be wrong.”
People want to belong—it’s a human thing—and these days, the wrong use of social media (and not the technology itself) has taught people to define themselves through what they hate; it’s more cathartic for their own feelings of unrequited love—they feel vindicated.
All this said, I am in no way condoning them, just sharing some mental judo I do to avoid becoming a vigilante who takes out the Ignorant.
Looking forward to your substack. In one of the first photos, you had a wine glass in your hand. What's your go-to red? White? I started a food + drink blog. Please check it out. Thanks. https://waynechristensen.substack.com/
ooh!! my go to red is any decent dark red, and i dig a cab sav. i'm on waiheke island right now and the whole joint is wineries, wineries wineries. if you want to try something truly spectacular, may i recommend the man o war "ironclad", it's a bordeaux blend...https://www.manowar.co.nz/products/ironclad-bordeaux-blend
I’m six months into my Substack and have 67 subscribers (4 paid, all family). I’m not discouraged by the slow growth, honestly I’m shocked that 67 people were willing to sign up in the first place, but I’m looking to approach this as a small business and have little expertise on that front. What advice do you have for writers that are still learning how to sell their brand? And do introverts have a disadvantage on this front? Thanks, Amanda!!
This is gonna be gooood! Thanks for asking. I identified strongly with your description of the times we are in and how a lot of people are doing right now - I'm a bit lost too. I think asking questions here, or just taking part in these conversations will help me find my way!! Bring it on! Good luck Amanda and speak soon.
I LOVE THIS! It is going to be so GOOD and weird and wonderful, thanks Amanda. My question for all of us and to you Amanda: How do we let go of what was, and turn towards what is, while not giving up on what could be?
For me: navigating the frustration of things not working as they once did, and learning how to be flexible and present and curious. And take naps and eat chocolate and connect with friends and wrap myself in a fluffy blanket as needed so I can stay nourished and hopeful. It's work!
and lots of space for grieving and long walks... grateful to be here in Woodstock among good friends (Amanda I'm a friend of the fabulous brilliant creature that is Sophie Strand...)
How do you keep doing art when it feels like you're in survival mode? It sounds like you can relate to this question and have maybe been feeling it yourself. Is there a post-survival period or is that just all there is now and we have to trudge on and do joyful and painful things regardless?
I had an interesting experience with this. I had a dear friend over yesterday while their house was getting worked on. After they and their child left; I was able to pull out not only my fiber work but a special tool I purchased several years ago and had never used. I worked up a study piece from start to finish to learn how to use it. I haven't touched most of my spinning and very little of the special stuff since before all this started. So for me, time with loved friends = picking up my creative hobby.
You popped up in my email as a new contributor, so I popped in for a look. Glad I did, for sure. I feel like I'm on the ground floor for some good thoughts and feels......and always a laugh.
I'm truly having difficulties interacting with humans face to face, and this seems like a damned fine place to help convince me to WANT to reconnect. Cheers to you, Amanda!
I subscribed even though I had never heard of you before today. :) I like your style and have the feeling you're going to be sharing some interesting insights. The last two years have been majorly challenging for so many people - like everyone. I feel like something new is being birthed on our planet and we're in the middle of birth-pangs. Births are always messy and not very pretty which means we have to hold on to the vision of what is to come even through dark times like these. I look forward to reading and participating.
I've also signed up knowing nothing about you apart from what's in your introductory post. I've been living a pretty isolated life lately, even though it's actually got very little to do with the pandemic. I value the opportunity to connect.
Jan 20, 2022·edited Jan 20, 2022Liked by Amanda Palmer
Aw, Amanda. I really love being part of the Patreon, but I'm also glad to see you over here in what has been my neck of the woods for the last year. I was thinking about what you said about not being creative all this time. I'm going to put on my astrologer hat for a moment and say: creativity as a function lives in the 5th House, along with children and romance, because they are all ways in which we express who we are on a very essential level to the world. If the 1st House (Aries) is the essential I AM, then the 5th House (Leo) is HOW I EXPRESS AND RECOGNIZE WHO I AM. And speaking as someone who has tracked your journey via the Patreon for nearly all of the pandemic I'd say that you've been working the 5th House like a motherfucker. And speaking for myself, when I am excessively consumed with either parenting or romance, I don't have as much 5th House juice for creativity. All to say, you will get back to a more balanced 5th House eventually, but you've been really hyperfocused on the child part of it all and that's okay. I've watched it deepen you tremendously, and though I wouldn't have wished this fucking crisis of the last two years on you or anyone, I think you've made the most of it, and will continue to do so for years to come. I'm proud of you.
71 retired musician, virtual world performer, separated, living with my sister helping her deal with the effects of cancer, 3 kids, 6 grandkids. Being a father of young kids was the best time of my life. Now my eldest son, 42, is ghosting his family. Haven’t talked to him in almost two years. He lives in NYC about an hour and a half away so it’s not like there is distance preventing us from seeing him. I had been texting him with kindness trying to get a response. Last response it it’s entirety was Stop texting. No idea why, very painful, at a loss what to do.
So sorry to hear that. Must hurt like hell. Sometimes life puts us in situations where we can't do anything. Except being patient (leave him be), trying not to build up negativities (against him/ what he is or isn't doing) and care for the ones that let us ( and for ourselfs!). And that actually is a lot to do. Wish you and your family all the best!
Thanks. More than the negativities is the worry. I have no idea what he going through to make him cut us off. I think the worst sometimes and it’s brutal. Very hard to tame the parental instinct to protect
Dear Aramancam: I am not a parent, but as a son who recently lost his perfectly imperfect father (who never did anything to hurt me), I cannot offer an answer based on first-hand experience.
My family—the one that is left—is everything BUT easy to be around (I’m referring to my 81 yr old mother and 60 yr old sister, who live together and whose relationship is akin to that of Bette David and Gloria Swanson in “Whatever Happened to Baby Jane”) but I would never ghost them (though the thought has crossed my mind)…I would just never do that.
Try to think that this may be not so much about you, or what you did or didn’t do as a parent, but more about possible influences / books / therapists in his life that have given him misguided advice; or he may just be working through his own issues.
I would like to share with you something my dear, dear father said to me once when I was accusing him of something or other in my younger days (am now 45), which infuriated me at the time, but strikes me as nothing but pure wisdom now: “Children are like arrows. You can aim, draw the bow, and shoot; but where the arrow lands is largely out of your hands.”
May it be of some comfort to you that, in the last 11 years of my father’s life, I buried whatever silly residual teenage hatchets I had with him, and we became close friends right until the end.
My gripes with him were primarily that he had been a shit husband to my mother, and made her suffer for decades—and she stuck around for it. In all of it, I forgot to see him not only as a fallible human being, but I also forgot that, as a Father, he always had my back, and never once failed me.
Because I witness, on a weekly basis, two women who so actively despise each other, but who do not possess the health or financial means to live apart, I completely feel your pain. It is is the same pain I try and soothe both as a brother, and as a son, and it is does hurt to watch. My heart is with you, Aramancam! Xoxoxox
Dear Aramancam: I am not a parent, but as a son who recently lost his perfectly imperfect father (who never did anything to hurt me), I cannot offer an answer based on first-hand experience.
My family—the one that is left—is everything BUT easy to be around (I’m referring to my 81 yr old mother and 60 yr old sister, who live together and whose relationship is akin to that of Bette David and Gloria Swanson in “Whatever Happened to Baby Jane”) but I would never ghost them (though the thought has crossed my mind)…I would just never do that.
Try to think that this may be not so much about you, or what you did or didn’t do as a parent, but more about possible influences / books / therapists in his life that have given him misguided advice; or he may just be working through his own issues.
I would like to share with you something my dear, dear father said to me once when I was accusing him of something or other in my younger days (am now 45), which infuriated me at the time, but strikes me as nothing but pure wisdom now: “Children are like arrows. You can aim, draw the bow, and shoot; but where the arrow lands is largely out of your hands.”
May it be of some comfort to you that, in the last 11 years of my father’s life, I buried whatever silly residual teenage hatchets I had with him, and we became close friends right until the end.
My gripes with him were primarily that he had been a shit husband to my mother, and made her suffer for decades—and she stuck around for it. In all of it, I forgot to see him not only as a fallible human being, but I also forgot that, as a Father, he always had my back, and never once failed me.
Because I witness, on a weekly basis, two women who so actively despise each other, but who do not possess the health or financial means to live apart, I completely feel your pain. It is is the same pain I try and soothe both as a brother, and as a son, and it is does hurt to watch. My heart is with you, Aramancam! Xoxoxox
a beautiful entry. the ending w your father is enviable. the part before is how my brothers treated my father; which always struck me as odd. trying to make his life about them, pass it off as some kind of compassion (mixed w something they felt they were owed). stolen. as if he wasnt just a whole person, and that mother had no agency. thr was also nothing more serious (i checked, extensively, bc it struck me so odd).
they did not attend his end. not that my story is a mirror of yours. how they kept that petty nonsense, in the face of death, baffles me to this day (it wasnt too long ago either).
& the tale of the two women is, i think, more of a horror reality for many current young persons (who just dont know yet). one can try to be one's best self in all cases. but, equally, i suspect we can all imagine a person who, if forced by circumstance to live w , would make such a thing...difficult. certainly take too many calories away from other creative works. @ a minimum. thx for this sharing. -JC
I agree that behaviors caused by thinking within parameters that history proves is only partially effective—particularly when a genius bumps into luck and is in a timely time zone—hold us back from what artists understand already that creativity and freedom to live harmlessly but also safely on the frontiers to produce faster and more effective life outcomes to those in the so-called safety of the center and it’s norms, ie parameters. With each perfectly perforated parameter performing parachutes for persons on the parapet ready to populate the newest paradigm set to push the others as well.
Thank you for your prompt to my praises of your idea. It was no diatribe, trust me. But I’m hoping I didn’t miss your point.
Thanks for the cogent answer. I agree Buckminster Fuller was ahead of his time. I coined an expression (to myself) “A Culture of One.” I’m respectful of other cultures. And being involved in the special education it taught me about celebrating differences. That in itself is risky and difficult for a certain population on its own unique continuum of risk and knowledge. I enjoyed this much. A rare occurrence on my lifetime.
I really like this question Sylvia. I always imagine Amanda out there in the 'dress' looking for community and support...and working with/in a position of being 'seen' in order to be validated. I mean, that is art to me. And I wonder about the 'surest' path to acceptance - maybe it is different for everyone = to both see and be seen simultaneously without fear and feeling 'true' to self...even if just in that moment.
I taught writing for 20 years and I feel like I am a bad writer. I also can't do yoga but I really want to do yoga but when I do yoga and I am bad at it then I get frustrated and stop and then I remember that I want to do yoga all over again. Does that make sense? I write a monday morning memo on substack and every Monday I know I have to write that thing. The first step is scary but it gets easier. What do you want to write? I believe in you. You can do it.
One of the joys of the Pandemic is online yoga. Gym yoga classes make me self-cinscious. But at home nobody but the dog will hear you fart and there is no need to get dressed up or dressed for that matter.
There is no right way to either yoga or write. I suggest you do what feels good. There is benefit in both realms to that.
Oh boy do I get this! And there’s no other way but to do it and to trust the time it takes. However much time we have we just have to trust if we start moving it will be enough.
Sometimes it feels good to know that what you're experiencing is totally normal! When we are doing something new or working on something when we are young it feels good, and it's easy. It is genuinely harder to learn things as we age! On the plus side you can learn things and improve things. To learn something new as an adult you need to focus, feel the stress of it/frustration/discomfort of it...and then rest!!! So while this doesn't address the running out of time feeling, maybe it helps the reframe the feeling of being 'really bad at something.' That feeling means you are learning and growing - yay! You also need to rest and relax and be kind to yourself afterward.
Oh I LOVE this - focus, feel the stress/frustration/discomfort and then rest! Just what I needed to hear today, thank you.
I love the last line of your post: "That feeling means you are learning and growing - yay! You also need to rest and relax and be kind to yourself afterward."
Trying to reframe that discomfort feeling as a GOOD thing--evidence that you're learning!--is so hard, but it's so true.
To the original poster: I'm not sure what kind of books you like, but the book "Writing Down the Bones" by Natalie Goldberg is one I return to again and again to help with good vibes + good headspace about writing!
Hey sgrant42 - I really feel you! Know exactly what you talking about. As far as I know about myself it's fear. Probably fear to fail. To be not good or not good enough. The older I get the worse the feeling of (probable) failing get's. Combined with "I squandered so much time already - I can in no way rectify that"... I know I have to get rid of the pressure to create something really good, something that matters (or not to be bad). I also think it's really good advise to start with something that is fun and small - maybe creating (writing in your case) for someone who is happy to read it - anything to get away from the idea to do "it right" or "have success". I think this advise is good - I liked it,when I read it, but haven't followed it myself yet... :-/ Somtimes things need time - but if you are unhappy with your current situation and you can somehow change something (even if it is just a little thing) be brave and do it - just to adjust to new (better/more fitting) things for you - you know "to look in the right direction". Wish you the best of luck!! And trust yourself (or if you are spiritual/religious) trust in god. Oh and yeah - sometimes the idea that we might have a talent given to us by god/nature/gods /whatever the belief system and we just "let that talent out" helps me a lot . It somehow takes away some of the pressure and the feeling that I and I alone am responsible for the outcome (bad, but also good outcome). In the Renaissance when drawing became an independent artform and was not just an end to a means as it was before it was believed that the spirit of god ran directly from above into the artist directly into his/her arm and out of the pencil onto the paper- so the creative act became a manifestation of god in itself :-) I really like that picture! Good luck!
"the creative act became a manifestation of god in itself" - I love that :)
Time passes continuously, whatever we do with it or not. You can start anytime and if you enjoy the process you will get better at it. The idea we need to achieve perfection in something to be worthwhile ... well, it's just an idea, no need to go with it. Enjoy the process and spent whatever time you have available doing what you really want. I have not ever heard of regrets adding to anyones happiness. Acknowledge whatever was in the past and be gentle with yourself going forward.
By the way, my next birthday will be the 55th, too. I read a lot, have thought about writing, but oh well, it will happen if I really want it. Meanwhile I enjoy knitting ...
If I'm understanding correctly it sounds like you have trouble getting started for fear of being bad. Have you considered starting with something that might feel frivolous or even being intentionally bad (e.g. a satire of a genre you don't like or take seriously)? I am a songwriter and I do a lot of quantity writing challenges (which I highly recommend) - I always start with ideas that I don't care about that much so I won't be precious, and I'll just write them without regard to whether it's "good." Once I start doing that, I get into a groove and then it's easier to tackle the themes that are closer to my heart without being so worried about the quality, because I've set that precedent for my brain, if that makes sense. Letting yourself create messy gets easier and easier over time (as you also get better!), trust me. You just have to take the first step, even if certain parts of your brain are telling you not to.
(Good heavens - this turned into something much longer than I expected... a personal story...)
It's a cliché I know - but it's never too late too start. My fifties were a time of huge change and growth - but it didn't start well. I began my fifties feeling extremely unsettled and discontented and frustrated - pouring all my time and energy into classroom teaching, and finding myself saying to myself (and sometimes others) "this is killing me".
I felt I had no time to explore other interests, that if I didn't get out something in me would wither completely and die. I felt I should have started sooner, made other choices. But I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life - who was I?
The change came when I started looking, searching, and leaping into the unknown. I started studying, I changed my job, I started writing (mostly just for myself - processing emotions, memories etc), I went to writer's workshops and had to share my work (terrifying! but rewarding - I was told "trust your own creativity"), I kept on writing, I went to a drawing class and discovered it was something I could do!!
Imagine - late fifties and here I was faced with the fact that the thing I really loved and understood had been there in me all the time - it just took the right guidance to uncover it. So I've been drawing and painting since - this is "my thing" - and whether I'm good at it, or whether anyone ever sees it almost doesn't matter. Its the creative process that's important - bringing something into the world. That's what I felt was missing all those years ago when I felt my soul was dying. I'm alive now - more than ever - I'm more truly me - and its because I'm trying to look forward instead of back, I'm putting my energy into what matters to me. I've made my own commitment to the creative process - opened the door - invited in the creative spirits :)
(PS: a friend shared the book by Elizabeth Gilbert "Big Magic" - it's good!)
Thank you for this - it helps me not feel like I"m "behind" here in my mid-50s! (And "Big Magic" was great, I think I need to re-read it!)
a beautiful & legitimately inspiring entry. -JC
Hey Sue, you're not too old to start, that's for sure! You do have to get used to the feeling of being a learner again though - not bad, just a learner. :) Good luck with it.
Yay! I've seen the community Anne Helen Peterson has built around her Substack, very interested to see how an Amanda Palmer community unfolds.
oooh!!! i'll go subscribe to her now. thank you for the tip....xxx
Hopefully between the two of you I will learn something so someday I can build something too! If you just want weekly nature photos and light musings on life, feel free to subscribe to mine (it's free!). :)
i just joined. looks amazing.
You have no idea how much this makes my day. Thank you and so many blessings to you! (And to your dad, I saw your recent tweet.)
Me too! What a phenomenal recommendation. I feel like I found bosom people there!
I want the world to be a kinder place too! I want to be more kind. How do I resist the urge to hate the people who hold opposing (and to my mind, hate-filled) views?
Whew, I have to sit with this a lot. I read something (and I don't remember who to credit) about a woman saying to someone who held views like this, "where does it hurt". The person burst into tears and told her. So when I sit with it I often try to hold that in my heart and remember that people who hurt are hurting.
I struggle with the same thing. I go out to the ocean or to the woods or any wild space, anywhere I can feel the wind or the rain or the sun or the snow, and feel the vastness and wildness of everything that is not me, everything that is not human. My hate won't make me a better voice for them, but hate comes from anger, and anger tells us there is something wrong. No emotion is bad, we just have to direct it. So, after I've let myself be caught up in the magnificent wildness of being, I take whatever kernel of anger remains and use it in actions of drastic, rebellious kindness. Do a beach clean, find your nearest volunteering opportunity, plant trees or walk dogs or paint over graffiti. I figured I can be angry and kind at the same time.
Thank you for sharing this!
*paint over hateful graffiti with better graffiti ;)
Thank you for figuring out angry and kind at the same time. Absolutely inspiring. I've pounded anger into bread dough ... and then ate too much! Off into the woods ...
It’s not easy, @Julie Shevach…it really isn’t, I’m the same! But it can be done (some days more successfully than others). Trust me…most days, I have to quell the Dexter Morgan urge inside of me, breathe deeply, and re-think.
A few mental “tricks” I try to use is to think that:
a) Some instance, somewhere along their life, irrevocably broke them.
b) They were never lucky enough or knowledgable enough to surround themselves with well-informed, critical thinkers.
c) That their hatred is essentially misdirected fear originating from a deep lack of both self-knowledge, and connection to the real world around them. This leaves them with a great big spiritual void, which is easily filled by finding scapegoats on which to rain down 21st century Cyber-Salem-Witch-Trials.
d) That they must feel so “un-special,” that the only way they find to feel self-worth is by radical self-exclusion: “I am better than them, smarter than them, because look at the numbers…there’s a lot more of us than there are of them,” they must think. “And THIS many people can’t be wrong.”
People want to belong—it’s a human thing—and these days, the wrong use of social media (and not the technology itself) has taught people to define themselves through what they hate; it’s more cathartic for their own feelings of unrequited love—they feel vindicated.
All this said, I am in no way condoning them, just sharing some mental judo I do to avoid becoming a vigilante who takes out the Ignorant.
Peace, my dear. We are in this boat together! :)
Pedro B. Gorman
I find that I have to start with myself. I have to give myself compassion and kindness. Otherwise, I don't have any to give to others.
Hello fellow Culture Study subscriber! :)
Thank you because I couldn't find the name of the newsletter right away and I felt horrible about that!
Excited to see what she is up to as well.... looking forward to seeing how to build community on substack
Lovely! And lovely to see a fellow warrior; well, the magistra of warriorness here!
yes!!! so happy to be here...
Ohhh, there is very much already an Amanda Palmer community. 🥰
Ohhhh there is already very much an Amanda Palmer community 🥰
Looking forward to your substack. In one of the first photos, you had a wine glass in your hand. What's your go-to red? White? I started a food + drink blog. Please check it out. Thanks. https://waynechristensen.substack.com/
ooh!! my go to red is any decent dark red, and i dig a cab sav. i'm on waiheke island right now and the whole joint is wineries, wineries wineries. if you want to try something truly spectacular, may i recommend the man o war "ironclad", it's a bordeaux blend...https://www.manowar.co.nz/products/ironclad-bordeaux-blend
I remember you also like allagash beer !
I'll look for it in Phoenix, AZ ✌🏽️👅
I would like to personally recommend "Apothic Red" - don't know if you can get that in New Zealand... but it is inexpensive and delicious!
I’m six months into my Substack and have 67 subscribers (4 paid, all family). I’m not discouraged by the slow growth, honestly I’m shocked that 67 people were willing to sign up in the first place, but I’m looking to approach this as a small business and have little expertise on that front. What advice do you have for writers that are still learning how to sell their brand? And do introverts have a disadvantage on this front? Thanks, Amanda!!
Good luck for your new venture! And greetings from Minnesota.
This is gonna be gooood! Thanks for asking. I identified strongly with your description of the times we are in and how a lot of people are doing right now - I'm a bit lost too. I think asking questions here, or just taking part in these conversations will help me find my way!! Bring it on! Good luck Amanda and speak soon.
Love this, and thank you for being your usual honest self. You inspire me to open up even more about my life in what I write.
I LOVE THIS! It is going to be so GOOD and weird and wonderful, thanks Amanda. My question for all of us and to you Amanda: How do we let go of what was, and turn towards what is, while not giving up on what could be?
For me: navigating the frustration of things not working as they once did, and learning how to be flexible and present and curious. And take naps and eat chocolate and connect with friends and wrap myself in a fluffy blanket as needed so I can stay nourished and hopeful. It's work!
and lots of space for grieving and long walks... grateful to be here in Woodstock among good friends (Amanda I'm a friend of the fabulous brilliant creature that is Sophie Strand...)
It's a good idea let's see the sprweeeed and prosperity begin
How do you keep doing art when it feels like you're in survival mode? It sounds like you can relate to this question and have maybe been feeling it yourself. Is there a post-survival period or is that just all there is now and we have to trudge on and do joyful and painful things regardless?
Whew - yes to this question!
Yes, good question. I'd like to be part of this discussion.
I had an interesting experience with this. I had a dear friend over yesterday while their house was getting worked on. After they and their child left; I was able to pull out not only my fiber work but a special tool I purchased several years ago and had never used. I worked up a study piece from start to finish to learn how to use it. I haven't touched most of my spinning and very little of the special stuff since before all this started. So for me, time with loved friends = picking up my creative hobby.
Now I just have to figure out how to sustain it.
You popped up in my email as a new contributor, so I popped in for a look. Glad I did, for sure. I feel like I'm on the ground floor for some good thoughts and feels......and always a laugh.
I'm truly having difficulties interacting with humans face to face, and this seems like a damned fine place to help convince me to WANT to reconnect. Cheers to you, Amanda!
I subscribed even though I had never heard of you before today. :) I like your style and have the feeling you're going to be sharing some interesting insights. The last two years have been majorly challenging for so many people - like everyone. I feel like something new is being birthed on our planet and we're in the middle of birth-pangs. Births are always messy and not very pretty which means we have to hold on to the vision of what is to come even through dark times like these. I look forward to reading and participating.
thanks, krysta. looking forward to it. :)
I've also signed up knowing nothing about you apart from what's in your introductory post. I've been living a pretty isolated life lately, even though it's actually got very little to do with the pandemic. I value the opportunity to connect.
solid. -JC
Aw, Amanda. I really love being part of the Patreon, but I'm also glad to see you over here in what has been my neck of the woods for the last year. I was thinking about what you said about not being creative all this time. I'm going to put on my astrologer hat for a moment and say: creativity as a function lives in the 5th House, along with children and romance, because they are all ways in which we express who we are on a very essential level to the world. If the 1st House (Aries) is the essential I AM, then the 5th House (Leo) is HOW I EXPRESS AND RECOGNIZE WHO I AM. And speaking as someone who has tracked your journey via the Patreon for nearly all of the pandemic I'd say that you've been working the 5th House like a motherfucker. And speaking for myself, when I am excessively consumed with either parenting or romance, I don't have as much 5th House juice for creativity. All to say, you will get back to a more balanced 5th House eventually, but you've been really hyperfocused on the child part of it all and that's okay. I've watched it deepen you tremendously, and though I wouldn't have wished this fucking crisis of the last two years on you or anyone, I think you've made the most of it, and will continue to do so for years to come. I'm proud of you.
71 retired musician, virtual world performer, separated, living with my sister helping her deal with the effects of cancer, 3 kids, 6 grandkids. Being a father of young kids was the best time of my life. Now my eldest son, 42, is ghosting his family. Haven’t talked to him in almost two years. He lives in NYC about an hour and a half away so it’s not like there is distance preventing us from seeing him. I had been texting him with kindness trying to get a response. Last response it it’s entirety was Stop texting. No idea why, very painful, at a loss what to do.
I don't know the answer but I can feel how much it must hurt and I'm sending love x
So sorry to hear that. Must hurt like hell. Sometimes life puts us in situations where we can't do anything. Except being patient (leave him be), trying not to build up negativities (against him/ what he is or isn't doing) and care for the ones that let us ( and for ourselfs!). And that actually is a lot to do. Wish you and your family all the best!
Thanks. More than the negativities is the worry. I have no idea what he going through to make him cut us off. I think the worst sometimes and it’s brutal. Very hard to tame the parental instinct to protect
Dear Aramancam: I am not a parent, but as a son who recently lost his perfectly imperfect father (who never did anything to hurt me), I cannot offer an answer based on first-hand experience.
My family—the one that is left—is everything BUT easy to be around (I’m referring to my 81 yr old mother and 60 yr old sister, who live together and whose relationship is akin to that of Bette David and Gloria Swanson in “Whatever Happened to Baby Jane”) but I would never ghost them (though the thought has crossed my mind)…I would just never do that.
Try to think that this may be not so much about you, or what you did or didn’t do as a parent, but more about possible influences / books / therapists in his life that have given him misguided advice; or he may just be working through his own issues.
I would like to share with you something my dear, dear father said to me once when I was accusing him of something or other in my younger days (am now 45), which infuriated me at the time, but strikes me as nothing but pure wisdom now: “Children are like arrows. You can aim, draw the bow, and shoot; but where the arrow lands is largely out of your hands.”
May it be of some comfort to you that, in the last 11 years of my father’s life, I buried whatever silly residual teenage hatchets I had with him, and we became close friends right until the end.
My gripes with him were primarily that he had been a shit husband to my mother, and made her suffer for decades—and she stuck around for it. In all of it, I forgot to see him not only as a fallible human being, but I also forgot that, as a Father, he always had my back, and never once failed me.
Because I witness, on a weekly basis, two women who so actively despise each other, but who do not possess the health or financial means to live apart, I completely feel your pain. It is is the same pain I try and soothe both as a brother, and as a son, and it is does hurt to watch. My heart is with you, Aramancam! Xoxoxox
Dear Aramancam: I am not a parent, but as a son who recently lost his perfectly imperfect father (who never did anything to hurt me), I cannot offer an answer based on first-hand experience.
My family—the one that is left—is everything BUT easy to be around (I’m referring to my 81 yr old mother and 60 yr old sister, who live together and whose relationship is akin to that of Bette David and Gloria Swanson in “Whatever Happened to Baby Jane”) but I would never ghost them (though the thought has crossed my mind)…I would just never do that.
Try to think that this may be not so much about you, or what you did or didn’t do as a parent, but more about possible influences / books / therapists in his life that have given him misguided advice; or he may just be working through his own issues.
I would like to share with you something my dear, dear father said to me once when I was accusing him of something or other in my younger days (am now 45), which infuriated me at the time, but strikes me as nothing but pure wisdom now: “Children are like arrows. You can aim, draw the bow, and shoot; but where the arrow lands is largely out of your hands.”
May it be of some comfort to you that, in the last 11 years of my father’s life, I buried whatever silly residual teenage hatchets I had with him, and we became close friends right until the end.
My gripes with him were primarily that he had been a shit husband to my mother, and made her suffer for decades—and she stuck around for it. In all of it, I forgot to see him not only as a fallible human being, but I also forgot that, as a Father, he always had my back, and never once failed me.
Because I witness, on a weekly basis, two women who so actively despise each other, but who do not possess the health or financial means to live apart, I completely feel your pain. It is is the same pain I try and soothe both as a brother, and as a son, and it is does hurt to watch. My heart is with you, Aramancam! Xoxoxox
a beautiful entry. the ending w your father is enviable. the part before is how my brothers treated my father; which always struck me as odd. trying to make his life about them, pass it off as some kind of compassion (mixed w something they felt they were owed). stolen. as if he wasnt just a whole person, and that mother had no agency. thr was also nothing more serious (i checked, extensively, bc it struck me so odd).
they did not attend his end. not that my story is a mirror of yours. how they kept that petty nonsense, in the face of death, baffles me to this day (it wasnt too long ago either).
& the tale of the two women is, i think, more of a horror reality for many current young persons (who just dont know yet). one can try to be one's best self in all cases. but, equally, i suspect we can all imagine a person who, if forced by circumstance to live w , would make such a thing...difficult. certainly take too many calories away from other creative works. @ a minimum. thx for this sharing. -JC